The September Holiday has started from today on for my school. We had Teachers' Day celebration at school. The effort put in the performances and the preparation was shown. I think the students have done a great job to make the day special and memorable. The videos and slide shows were funny yet touching. I realised that ACJC teachers are full of humour and youth in the school culture of vibrancy. I can notice some tinge of mischief and wit of the old ACSians in them. I am grateful that God has put me in ACJC to allow me to experience its culture and its people. It's God's grace.

"Dear teachers
Thank you so much for your guidance, love and care that you showered over me as well as each of the ACSians. The fingerprint of God in you has left a mark on us that changed us into peolple of love, passion and integrity. Thank you.
Happy Teachers' Day"

We performed today. It was another choir experience that we can learn from. Stay calm and cool like a cucumber. A new day has come with hope and promising events.

I watched Harry Potter part 1,2 ,3 yesterday. They were fascinating. I was blued to the chair for the whole evening. I want to watch part 4 and 5.
I wonder whether the world of magic really exists like in Harry Porter. That would be scary, wouldnt it? In the end, I still see there are two separate sides : the good and the evil. If witches really exist, I dont think they are as nice as the characters like Hagrit in the movie. My imagination is that they should be more barbaric and cruel. I wonder where God is in their lives.

Asra's poem

Asra, my roommate wont come back on mondays anymore. Sigh. The downpour at the moment reminds me of her poem she sent me today. So, there are two things in my mind now: firstly, Asra's poem and secondly "raindrops are falling on my head". I thinkI have been recently more artistic than I was before. Dont you think so, Asra? oh never mind, I have already known your answer, Asra (whisper: Say yes). Or at least I am attempting to activate my illogical mind to read more poems in the hope that some tinge of Asra's poetic aura can spread to me.

Here is my attempt to compose a poem:

"I am lost
in the midst of guitar chords.
Their symbols are short
but, hey, easy to play?
Uhmmmm

Definitely not."

Nice?

Oldham Hall Church camp

Auntie Linda asked me to join her in 2 day Oldham Hall church camp on Friday and Saturday. I could not make it for both days as Saturday is the untouchable choir day. I met some of my Vietnamese juniors there, old and new. Some just came to Singapore for a few months. How amazing it is that the Lord has given me the chance to talk and play with them. Anna told me that 3 of them have accepted the Lord during the camp. This is the second church camp that I have attended with lots of fun.

Auntie Linda has brought me to realise that everything I stumbled and wanted to give up, God always sent angles to encourage and pull me out of the trouble. He is indeed so merciful and forgiving to me regardless of how sinful i am. At the end of every single day, when I reflect back what has happened, I realise that I have received so much grace. My classmates could have hated me. Anna could have been in Oldham Hall now with Dung and not here to listen to my regular complaints. Mr and Mrs Wong are there all the time to help and pray for me. Auntie Taiwan, my foster parent, is so caring, asking me to join the charity dinner with her in a luxurious hotel. I mean, things could have gone so wrong, so so wrong. But they did not. I shoud get over the redundant sorrow and despair.

I fondly read the Bible to seek for God's words that speak to me. Those words form the daily energy source. I am following Anna jie jie's habit to read Bible after, I mean before sleeping time.

"The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me besides quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of deatd,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me." ( Psalm 23: 1-4)

Tomorrow my new jumiors will come to oasis. Let's pray that things will be fine and we will have a fun time there. I always look forward to Sunday. It is a fun day.

"Stop reading other people 's blogs". I am wondering since when I have established this habit. Even Anna's entries donot give me the peace. They just stirred my troubled mind because I know I am not putting my trust onto the Lord. Jie jie asked me why i was making coffee and received a reply that I was gonna stay up late to complete work. Jie jie asked why I had not done it earlier. All I could think of was " too bad"... I think that was the best answer I could give her because I did not want to complain or say anything extra to pester her. I think that would be the best.

God is with me. Why am I always trying to do everything myself? I am struggling. It is not that I am so smart that I cant trust anyone to do the work for me. Absolutely not. But I just cant let go. So difficult is it to be submissive to God. Being a Christian isnot easy at all. Things will not get easier if you are a christian but God has promised to stay by our sides. He was, is and will always be. Thank you jie jie for your blog.

I want to let my thoughts flow out like the river until my brain is drained and nothing is left behind so that I would not be able to think and meditate on what has happened. I dont want to stop typing. I want to continue to delude myself that I were outside the world and time had stopped just to wait for me. I want...to CRY. Everytime I type this word, it is always spelt wrongly initially and I will have to correct it. It is accidentally emphasized and embedded in my mind.

Never mind the shed tear. Never mind. I still have to move on.

So heavy. I cant just constantly encourage myself that things will be fine. I want to accept it and believe it with conviction and faith. God, help me.

I kept being hooked into things that I should not be involved like playing and sleeping while i am supposed to do work. It's not that playing and sleeping are bad ( they are necessary), but I think i have slept and played too much. I have ''overdosed'' them. I joined my junior's birthday party for the whole evening. Though it was quite fun, I felt empty and unfruitful after the party ended. I know it is not what I want. Perhaps, i should have just followed jie jie Anna to go upstairs right from the beginning. Well, too late for me to regret or say anything. Things cant be changed and I just have to learn the lesson in the hard way. It was my choice anyway. I chose it.

God did not stop me at all. I know He would not. Last year, I prayed that Anna would be around. Now she is around me, in the same hostel, on the same floor. How come it is not like what I imagined. I felt insecure, not once, but many times. Well, Anna has her own life and her own things to be catered to. I cant expect too much from her. Definately not. I dont have the right. It is not fair to her because she has already helped me a great deal since the beginning of the year.

I think I am not gonna sleep tonight. I will make up for what I should have done. I will do my work.

Precious free Saturday

I stayed up until 3.30 am yesterday to do my WR. i am very sleepy now. My teacher is having fever. I must pray for her.
God be with me and you.